Need some advice from men on sex & porn?

My boyfriend and I have two children together. Anyways- His philosophy is that sex is just sex.. that there is no emotional stuff- it's just sex. So we don't have sex very much because he only wants sex when he's in the ';rip off your clothes'; mood. However- while he doesn't want sex- he has no problem watching/looking at porn and masturbating frequently.. (like 5 out of 7 days a week). Does he have a point and I just shouldn't worry? Or does he have a porn addiction? I would love to have sex more- much more- but he doesn't want too.. so it makes me feel like he just isn't attracted to me- since he'll masturbate to porn but not have sex with me all the time. But I also know guys aren't as emotional with sexual desire- and have no problems watching porn- meanwhile their girlfriends get jealous because we don't view sex/porn in the same way. Any advice? comments? suggestions? thoughts? thanks in advance.Need some advice from men on sex %26amp; porn?
Hi Mable Syrup!





The b/f has a few “issues” huh.





First he is emotionally “challenged” and afraid of emotions, showing any emotional attachments. He is pretty much completely “self-centered”. Watching porn and “doing his own laundry” is just an extension of his own “self gratification, self-involved/centered”.





Sex can be just sex sometimes, but other times there MUST be a willingness to please the partner- wanting to do everything for that partner that makes the partner happy. That is called “making love” to the S.O. Quicky’s are fine both women and men like and enjoy the occasional “rip off the clothes hot-monkey sex”. But other time’s the slow approach with lots of foreplay is great too! Wanted and needed by both the man and woman.





Obviously he has little-no concern for your wants/needs/desires. (it’s all about him!) Don’t take it personally,, the problems are solely his. Part of porn is watching good looking women doing all sorts of sexual acts, with absolutely no emotional attachment. So, DO NOT internalize his porn, thinking there is anything You’re lacking,, or competing with. Don’t think you are or have to compete (w/porn) for his affections. (provided he had any to begin with!)





“Porn addiction” is no different than any other addiction, does it take time away from doing the normal things around the home or replace things he should be doing? Does it interfere with his normal life? Does it take time away from “family time”, activities, etc? Does he watch porn to the exclusion of work, etc ?? (I think you get the picture) If so,, (and it appears so by what you’ve said) then he is addicted to porn.





You stated “so it makes me feel like he just isn't attracted to me”. That isn’t the problem he is attracted to you,, for sex! (fulfilling his needs with NO emotional attachment) For what ever reason he isn’t emotionally attached to you, he’s incapable of considering your wants/needs/desires, and he is “lost” at the concept of making love.





“But I also know guys aren't as emotional with sexual desire-“ Where did you learn that, that is completely wrong! Don’t judge all MEN based on “Mr. Self-centered”!! Real Men like slow n’ sensual to hot monkey sex and everything in between.








Last thought,, if he has a orgasm, and you haven’t had your orgasm,, he quits, “show’s Over!” He doesn’t consider your wants/needs/desires.





A “magic bullet” answer,,, he needs professional help thou no doubt he’d never agree to it. He sounds so self-centered he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with him. He probably does a lot of things based solely on his needs/wants/desires.Need some advice from men on sex %26amp; porn?
I know your looking for answers from men..but I read this and had to comment. Honey..this situation isnt right. I know if it were me in your situation I would feel offended, not wanted and unattractive. You need to tell him how this makes you feel. Share your feelings with him..communication is the key in any relationship. If he still continues with the porn and masturbation that often, and doesnt care about your feelings, then walk away and dont look back. Thens MANY men out there that will treat you with the respect you deserve.
It's normal for men, even in a relationship, to still masturbate on occasion, but if they use it as a substitute for lovemaking with a partner, then it definitely is a porn addiction. It has nothing to do with you, trust me. Porn is to men like shoes are to women--we can never see enough naked women. Your husband obviously needs a variety in his visuals--as long as it doesn't lead to real cheating, you'll be OK. However, since YOU feel cheated, you definitely need to talk it out with him and come to a compromise. If you can join him during his porn moments it would definitely help. Best of luck to you both.
The best advice is to watch porn together, if you can't make that work then there is a big problem.





If you could take away that porn, he would turn to you gladly. The problem with porn is that it meets a need that is unique to men - men want women who look chaste and pure in public and are hell-on-wheels (for them) in the bedroom. That is why all that porn with schoolgirl, librarian, nurse stuff. He doesn't want a schoolgirl, he wants someone who seems hard to get. It is also why men like to see lingerie underneath street or work clothes.





Finally, sex is not sex. He knows better. The tough thing about porn is that a LOT of women obviously have skills. Real skills in having sex, it's hard to not want that. The internet is teaching our children some effed up things, I'm afraid.





Just a little more - in today's society women are chased all of the time. They get used to the attention of men. Women have not learned the skills of seduction. I'm not talking about showing up in some crazy outfit. Flirting is for the kids, a woman knows how to seduce a man and make him keep coming back for more.





You can do this. Dare him to turn off the internet for two weeks and you start paying attention to luring him until he begs for you. Men are like dogs, they can be trained ...and happy.





Sex is about anticipation ... hint, tease, promise, be coy.
If a guy is stimulated by porn, he has a very low arousal point...It would seem to be very inconsiderate of him to prefer self-satisfaction over a real woman...The thing with masturbation is that is quick and clean - only one to dust off...Without knowing, it would also seem that he has lost his desire for you or that it has diminished quite a bit...I understand your frustration, you deserve better...Another factor may be that he is afraid of having any more kids and since he probably doesn't bother with a condom, its too much trouble.





Sorry - not much help...Good luck
personally, i think the reason why he prefers to watch porn than having sex with you is because he gets more ';satisfaction';. so one way or another, you have to make sex much more interesting so that he would rather have sex with you than watching porn.





maybe you can try foreplay first? dont ';do it'; straight away. OR if you dont mind, you can watch porn with him and when he is ho*** , then he would ';do it'; with you
Oh, please... guys are naturally visual creatures. I wouldn't worry about it, or try to over-analyze every little thing.





Just leave the poor guy alone already.
That's really weird. Most guys would trade porn for real sex any day of the week. It does sound like your boyfriend has a porn addiction. That has to be a bad relationship for you to be in. Your boyfriend is fantasizing about having sex with women in porn, and you are not getting as much action because he already had his thrills. It sounds like your boyfriend is very young. Most guys older than 30 realize it's impossible to have sex with a pornographic picture. That's not something that gets most older guys excited. I'm sure your boyfriend will be more mature someday.