Advice on men, need help?

Well I'm 37 and been head over heels for a man who's 45. I've known him 3 yrs, but the last 6 months he's been calling, we go for supper, movies even went on vacation together back in January. The thing is that he's seeing someone who's 18 years younger than him. He tells me he doesn't love her but yet he's still with her. My question is I don't want to lose him but yet i'm slowly hurting myself. I want to e-mail him something in terms that he has to choose who he wants to be with, that I can't do this to myself anymore. That he can no longer have best of both worlds. How do I start this e-mail and what can I write that will make him understand. Is there anyone in this same situation any suggestions please??Advice on men, need help?
Not in the same situation. You sound like a quality winner. I've seen similar situations in my office, regrettably more than once.





45 year old man and a 27 year old woman, 10 years younger than you.





Three years invested in this relationship and now this!





Better to find out now than when you're 47 or 52. What if you got married and had a child and he pulled this crap.





Clearly you see it. It's painful for me and I don't know you. For you, it's surely torture.





Ultimatums will not do you any good. This is sophomoric stuff, you're ready for a long term commitment, clearly he is not and probably will never be.





Cut your losses. Anything beyond this is a waste of your time and your life.





Take it one day at a time. Move on. Don't be used. YOU pull the plug on the relationship, lingering death is hell.Advice on men, need help?
Don't ';just dump him';. You owe it to yourself to at least be honest with him about your feelings, and then get his response. It might be what you want to hear, and then great! Problem solved. But, maybe it won't. Then you can move on, but at least you will do so knowing that you were honest with yourself, and with him.
Tell him you have decided to be another man's woman. A man who feels only one lady in his life is good enough and that is YOU





I think telling someone things like this is much better to do in person. They can see your eyes and tell your honest in how you feel.


A email f*ck off isn't even fun to do.
45? Mid-Life crisis time.


If you think he's worth it give him a bit more rope.


Then simply demand fair treatment.


He'll either grow up, or he won't.


Don't waste too much of your time.
He's a jerk. Quit seeing him and don't waste your time sending an email. Just quit talking to him altogether. He'll get the hint.
He's keeping you on the bench to be his ';plan B'; girl.





Now stop being his back-up plan and have the self esteem to move on!





You really do deserve so much better...
He just wants a young piece of tail.....stop torturing yourself and find someone who wants a woman your age. If he wanted you, he would have dumped her a long time ago.
Why email him? Just dump him. He's using you and not even sugar coating it.
A chick who is 18 years younger......where do I sign up for that program......Go Brother!
Walk away and be Serious.. If he doesn't make the changes, he never would have. So you saved yourself a lot of time.
Get it ....he is with someone else.......Drop this game... tell him to call you when the game is NOT AFOOT!
It seems to me that you have a low self-esteem. you think that by loosing this man you will probably not find another, you need to first off. love yourself and believe in yourself you are not just his piece of *** even though that is what it sounds like, sorry if I sound harsh but you need to hear it. if he really cares talk with him and let him know you will not be his side dish while he is enjoy himself with the younger girl. if you are going to email him to make him understand, your email should first let him know that you feel used because of his other girl and that you WILL NOT ALLOW IT ANYMORE. tell him why you feel that way, how it makes you feel that he is using you and hopefully he realizes you are a good catch.
First of all man are logical creatures and have short focus, so be very brief and objective, not much about your feelings but more about what you expect to conclude with this e-mail, be careful man dont like to be told what to do (even though they have always been just dont tell them that); it is also sounds like the type that is not seeking to leave his ancor anywhere so be careful with commitment demands here and most importantly NO DRAMA plse ..... Keep short, simple, direct, not demanding and no drama you will be fine... (dont ever tell a man how crazy you are for him, he will play you forever if that is the case)
I wouldn't send an email. You might be assuming more about this friendship than he is. You might only be a convenience for him. As others have said he is having his cake and eating it too.





Try to start putting some distance between the two of you. Stop making yourself available to him. Don't ring him, don't text him. If he asks you out or to meet for coffee, let him know you are busy or have a prior engagement. He will eventually get the message.





Find a man who will commit to you and only you. Find a man that you don't have to share with another woman.
I am 37, I just broke up with my boyfriend who is 49. He had another woman in his life too. He was ';having his cake and eating it too'; for many many years. I waited 8yrs for him to choose, guess what.....why should he when he has';the best of both worlds'; He never will choose, so I ended it. That is the only way to see if he will leave the other woman or stay with her. Just tell him your ending it, you would like to be with him, but unless he chooses to be with you, you HAVE to move on. And one day when he decides to come back to you, you might not be available!!!
Before I met my wife I was in a ';relationship'; with a woman. Dating, I guess you would say. I was in my early 40's then, she was 5 years younger (age doesn't really matter, but just for comparison)





She was a nice and good woman, attractive but not stunning. Nothing wrong with her, but it wasn't ';there'; for me. I can't say why, but it wasn't. She had grander ideas, I could tell, well, she said so much. I told her that I couldn't marry her or live with her, it just wasn't in the cards. I am a very attentive man when I am in love (ask my wife!) and I was not attentive with her and I knew I was not in love. She was, I think, 36 or 37 and I didn't think it was right for me to lead her on. For what? 5 years? 3 years? And then she would be 40 or 42 and still wanting to get married and it wouldn't happen.





You deserve the same. Apparently he doesn't want to admit it, but how long will this go on? How old will you be then? This woman I was dating had never had children, and wanted them. Should she wait until she is 42? 45? And then what? No it wasn't fair and it isn't fair to you.





I think you just need to be honest with this man. If you love him, say so. If you have thoughts of being married and have children, say so. If he doesn't agree, then you need to make up your mind. I wouldn't give an ultimatum. There is no need to say ';If you don't marry me by....'; No. Just say it isn't fair to you (it isn't) and you need to know his intentions so you can make decisions about your future. That is all. we ARE entitled to think about our future and plan for it. You don't need to say ';me or her'; or anything like that. Simply say you are a mature woman and want to make plans for the future and need to know where you stand with him and where he thinks things are going in the next....(months, years, whatever you decide to say)





If he cannot commit to something with you, and you want a committment, then you have to move on.
Reality is you don't have him- he has you. He's bumping 50, he's dating a 27 year old that he doesn't love and he's dating a 37 year old he doesn't love. He's have a HUGE ego boost right now to be that age and have 2 younger women after him. If he wanted to be with you he would not be going between you two no matter what his age. If you still want to give it a last ditch effort to give him the ultimatum,I'd Express that you want to be exclusively dating each other your looking for a serious relationship.and if he's not willing to do that then you are done dating him, Be blunt- men do not get beating around the bush or hinting they also do not like a lot of details they want direct communication.