My marriage I don't think is going to make it. Men and Woman advice welcomed?

I have been married to the same man for 12 years. Our marriage like others has had it's ups and downs. But in the last 3 years it has been hell. I do try for my children, he says all I do is ***** I try to explain to him that what he is doing is not healthy for our children. All his friends children are grown, or they have nothing to do with them.


I have delt with lies, dranking, coming home when he wanted to. But i looked over all that and said that we got married for a reason so we can work it out, And so we did and for a year it was good. HE works construction and when he works he is gone alot. Now he is laid off and all I ask for him to do is spend time with his children they are 2-9 (girls). But he has been back to hanging with the guys who are drankers. Nice guys! but Drank a lot, He is back to dranking and driving again. Not spending time with the girls. Said that I made his life miserable. OUCH that hurt. I try to be understanding, and deal but it is hard.My marriage I don't think is going to make it. Men and Woman advice welcomed?
file for a divorce and stop wasting time on a hopeless marriage really you woman kill me hanging on to what ??????My marriage I don't think is going to make it. Men and Woman advice welcomed?
Very sorry to hear that he's doing that. It sounds like he's on his way to becoming an alcoholic and it's illegal to drink and drive. If he were my husband and I knew he was driving drunk, I would call the police on his *** and report him.





He also sounds emotionally abusive and unavailable. Don't subject yourself or your daughters to abuse. My advice is for you to convince him to seek counseling with you. If he refuses, seek counseling for yourself at least.





But if he gets physically abusive at all, you leave him right away. Don't ever subject your children to a violent environment...12 years of marriage is NEVER WORTH THAT.





Good luck.
My friend, there is nothing worse for a man who has lost face due to no work. Dont be ready to quit. The stresses men have to face working on construction sites is nobody's joke. Bosses have demanding clients who want work completed yesterday and the men get in your face treatment daily. Tempers fly and the stress levels rise.





I live in a different country to yours, but even here ther is such terrible abuse of workers and moneys with held and no contracts made, no increases are given - its terrible! We are all expected to live and yet no one gives a fig! Our jobs are taken away from us and we are replaced with unskilled labour who dont care but want to be paid regardless. They refuse to work properly either. No wonder our men are so frustrated. You have to stand by him in thick and thin. Understand him and make him feel better. Tell him you understand. The fact that he has friends around is a release valve, even drinking. The point I make is he is in a terrible position. Just listen to what he says. Dont come up with solutions, its not what he wants to hear.





Also note his age. I assume he is in his 40's and heading for mid-life crisis. He is insecure and by you going him all the time it doesnt help matters at all. You have to look hard at the situation and not put any pressure on him at all. Leave him alone and just go on with the normal things. He will wonder why you are not reacting, because he is so used to you letting him have it. I have so been there and understand this only to well. its a terrible place for you to be, but it does get better. When he is sober, gently ask him how you can help him and tell him you are not angry with him. He needs your support or he will go find it else where. I made that mistake. it led to separation and 4 years later divorce. Ironically 4 months after the divorce he came right back home and has never left again, and I changed my whole attitude. I forgave him and chose that. I didnt feel like forgiving him, but chose to regardless of my feelings. I brought respect for him back into our relationship and the changes have been remarkable in the 9 years following the divorce. We are best of friends too. However I did this all with Gods help, without preaching at him too. I asked God to change me and help me through the challenges and he did. If it can work for me, it can work for you. It will take a lot of effort but then a marriage is not a bed of roses is it and requires working at. Its up to you. You can go with the flow or swim upstream. Its your choice. I chose upstream and it was well worth the trouble!





Good luck and I wish you all a very good christmas. Seek counselling too. Become more confident and fun to be with and stop operating in the negative, because all it does is draw the negative. Trust God with your man and God will deliver. He really loves you. He knows you intimately and wants a relationship with you. Get there. Seek first the kingdom of God and all things will be added to you. It really works!





God bless you friend.
1st of all, don't stay together becuase of the kids, that is the biggest mistake you can do. By staying together can screw ur kids up more, than if you got a divorce. You can always try couple counsling, but it doesn't seem like he'd want to work at it. It would be tough, but I think yu show move on.





Good Luck
You both need counseling. After so many years of marriage you grow apart. Women usually stay thinking that things will go back to the way it was in the beginning. It never does!!! Open your eyes and do right by yourself and your kids. If he doesn't straighten up then leave. You and your children deserve better.
Maybe he has a drinking problem. If he is an alchoholic, he probably needs help to deal with his drinking. I would issue an ultimatum, get help or I'll leave. Alchoholics are not able to put their family first, drinking always comes first. If he does not seek help with AA or a liscensced treatment center, file for divorce. If he truly loves you and your girls, he will wake up and seek help. If not, you don't need him anyway.
there is no point in sticking it out your kids will understand you need a divorce there is no point in being misserable for the rest of your life because you are trying to work it out for them.
Sounds like he has a drinking problem and there is nothing you can do for that, he has to want to get help for that, you can't beg, plead or ***** at him to stop. AA is a good program but it won't work if he doesnt want it. There are also meetings for you, Al-Anon for family members of alcoholics, and they are free. You could also go to counseling yourself, to figure out what you want to do about the relationship. Unfortunatly the construction industry is full of guys who get loaded after work, so he's probably not going to stop unless he gets some kind of ultimatum. You need support, from family, your mother, any sisters? It's hard to go through it alone, and you might have to divorce him. I know you want to stay together for the kids sake, but think about what you are teaching your daughters if you stay. The older one espicially is watching what you are doing and how you are with him, and she'll grow up and marry the same type of man. But, I know you feel like you're alone, and you're not. Get some help, you're not the only one with this problem, there are lots of people like you. Good luck!
Hi,


Wow... a real hard one. Marriage is very hard. It takes two people to work on it constantly. There is no such thing as a 50/50 %. There have been in my 23 yrs of marriage that I might give 60% and he give 40% or vice versa. When faced with problems in my marriage we had gone to counseling or church. Have you suggested going and getting professional help? There we have learned to argue fairly. By this I mean not screaming to the top of our lungs and by no means say things at that moment to say hurtful things. Not to withhold or withdraw from one another. I wish I could be of better assistance. I wish you the best.
Anyone that is having trouble with their marriage and comes on here seeking answers from total strangers already knows the answer. Just get the divorce and move on.
I feel bad for the children they don't have a choice to be there but, you do. Deep down inside you know what to do. You know it's over when he is accusing you of his problems. What are you going to do what till he hit you, tries to hurt the children? It only get worse. This happened to me my ex worked for the City and got laid off we have 3 daughters (18mo,7yrs,11yrs) I thought oh thing's will work out let me give him time the drinking started, drugs, abuse phys.,mental,verbal,cheating, accusing me of all his problems. I still stayed, till the day he tried to burn my house down with me and my daughters in it. Now I live a better life my kids are happy, my sec. daughter has to see counseling cause of it all and I can't help but blame myself cause I could of prevented it all by just leaving him when I saw the first sign.....

















As you can see he has started his cycle of putting his friends before you and your children. Your birthday, whats next the childrens birthday. Now the children are seeing it too, I always hear we learn from our mistakes, babygirl please learn from mine and get out he is not the man you fell in love with any more.
I think you should move on. You and your daughters deserve better then this! I wish you the best of luck and pray for you and your family.
I agree with worryed_2006. Get out before it's to late you are in an abusive relationship and you and the children are the one going ot get hurt. Do you want you girls to grow up and marry this way if you stay you are telling them this is how it must be a never ending cycle. You know there are support groups you are not alone. Just get out before it's to late for you or your children.
Leave him. No man is worth your tears.......sorry for being so blunt but from what you wrote its obvious that he is not trying so why should you! We only live once and you do not deserve to have your spouse bringing you down.
A marriage takes two people to work on it. Drinking is never a good ingredient and it really is important for a father to spend time with kids. Sounds like you need to have a long heart to heart with him, and if that doesn't help you will have to decide if this is the kind of life you want.
I appreciate that fact that you think that staying in the marriage is the right thing to do. I also appreciate the fact that your life is hell.





However, speaking as someone whose parents ';stayed together for the kids';, you need to leave him and take your daughters with you. Basically you are showing them that it is ok for a woman to take whatever abuse a man gives to her. You need to teach them to be strong and stand up when they are being mistreated.





I love my parents,but they have definitely affected how my brother and I view marriage. My mother didn't even have to point out problems with their marriage to me. I was always there and I picked up on what was happening.





I know it won't be easy leaving him and being on your own with your daughters, but you need to reclaim your life and stand up for yourself.





good luck and my thoughts are with you.
You are in a difficult place. Obviously, there are some serious problems going on with your husband. Well, since he feels that you have made his life miserable then give him what he wants freedom because he's not doing anything with the kids anyway and they probably won't notice the difference especially the younger ones. Because it's not good for the girls to see their father in a drunkard stupor all the time and obviously not happy the rest of the time and you stressed and anger most of the time. This will affect them the rest of the life especially how they will view men. So the need the opportunity to see a man in loving way and maybe if you leave him you will be able to find such a man that will be willing to grow up and face his problems instead of hiding behind a bottle. Because if he's feeling that bad eventually he might become physically abusive, he's already mentally and emotional abusive. So at least give yourself and him some space. Maybe in that time he will come to his senses or not then you know the next steps.
If he is miserable, then maybe it's time for a break. Let him feel what it's like not to have you. Alway remember and never forget: It takes two to make a marriage work, and no one deserves to be disrespected. Right now he is disrespecting you and your children. He has gotten himself in a rut and is obviously having a hard time getting out of it. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they can learn to walk again. Best wishes.
Whether or not you can tolerate this situation is irrelevant. Your girls need a stable environment and at least one parent who is there for them, sober and willing to be responsible for their lives.





When someone tells you to your face that you are making his life miserable, let him go.





He clearly wants to be free to drink and party without repercussion. It is his life. He can do that if he wants to, because he doesn't feel any responsibility.





Move on, he's a burden and when your girls get older, he will be an embarrassment to them. Is that what you want for them...cause it isn't about you anymore.
It seems you have gone through alot already to try and make your marriage work, he doesn't seem to be changing his ways so maybe it is time to call it a day. It won't be doing your children any good seeing your husband like this. Also if you do leave him he may realize that he needs to change and that his FAMILY is the most important thing. Good luck.
Your children are going to grow up sooner than you think. You don't want your girls to think that it's okay to put up with that kind of treatment. File for legal separation, leave and if he wants to change he'll do it on his own and not for you. Give him a time limit and if he doesn't do what you ask then you can file for divorce. Break the pattern now. If you allow yourself to be treated like this your girls will learn from you. Good luck.
The best way to mend a hurting relationship is communication. Tell him what your feelings are at an appropriate time when you're both of sound mind and not arguing. Have you tried marriage counseling? Does your husband even want to try to work things out. If he doesn't than you might try a trial separation to see if he can get his act together. Hopefully things will work out in the end but remember that even if you don't think it at first, it's for the better. Good luck!
That's what you get for marrying in the first place! It's something only the retarded masses do out of fear and conforming. If people truly loved each other there is no possible way they could marry AT ALL, because it means legalised possession of another and permissiveness, they very antithesis of love. It may sound philosophical (or corny) but love does not ask for anything, so if you really did love your husband, which you do not, then ANYTHING would be okay, not matter how selfish or evil, because your love would be unconditional. As it is not and each person places demands on the other, any feeling of 'love' in the ordinary sense has flown out of the window. All the bullcrap vows that you made at your wedding, ';till death us do part'; and all that nonsense suddenly don't seem so sincere now, do they? As usual, I expect to get a million 'thumbs down' from the retards that don't understand sense and truth. What a world...