Advice, please? (men preferred)

Men, I have told my husband many a time that I would appreciate more affection, but he never sticks to his word. He interprets affection as sex saying that he ';isn't a sex machine';. Since when does once a week=sex machine status?





He was sexually and physically abused as a child and teen. He's been physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive to me. Less so now.





I am attractive and young. I could have very easily had 3 affairs during our marriage alone, but never have. I compliment him, cook for him, clean for him, etc, gladly.





I long for closeness, affection, attention, and respect. Advice?Advice, please? (men preferred)
If your husband has problems from his past he should get professional help. He should not live in the past and make his whole life about the bad stuff that happened to him.





Affection is hard for some guys. You might have picked a guy who does not give affection. If you wanted a lot of affection, you should have thought about this way before you got married.





You could try.....


1.Give him affection, attention and respect and hope that he returns it in kind. Most guys if they are happy, will make the people around them happy in return. And it's easy to make a guy happy.


2.Tell him exactly what you want him to do. Maybe write it down. Some guys need instructions. If he did not grow up with affection, he would not know what to do.Advice, please? (men preferred)
You knew who he was before you married him, and you took vows. You accept him as is. Have you tried to explain to him that by affection, you'd like more hugs and kisses? Have you explained to him that affection need not mean sex?





If you are not happy with once a week, and mocking him by putting him down as him not being a sex machine, I suggest you do your husband a big favor, divorce him and find someone else to suit your needs. For the fact you mention you could have had three affairs even suggests you are not true to your marriage vows now. Cooking and cleaning comes with marriage, on both sides, so what's your point about that?





Divorce him, and move on. Hopefully he'll meet the right woman for him that will understand him, and you'll meet someone who will give you affection and be your love machine.
there is something wrong with ur man


the best thing would be to send him for counselling


or u could talk to him, very calmly and supportively talk to him about his emotional needs and make him feel comfortable


find out why he is physically, emotionally and verbally abusing u? is it something form the past or is it because he simply hates u?


and often men think that affection and closeness is all about sex


u have to convince him otherwise


best of luck
Seriously. If you want it to work.





Best is stop asking or anticipating. Start to give. Lots of it. The right way, that no body uses now a day. He will find out you have stopped pressuring him and it will turn him.


Its the way you fundamentally change a person, even an enemy. That is if you want to. Otherwise, use women's magazines that are full of traps and allures to fish out things that do not exist.





Your choice.
dress in the most dead sexiest outfit you have or go buy one


or get one kinda less buy a movie dim the lights and just get close to each other
If you have not tried to talk to him, do it, be honest, tell him he needs help and if that doesn't work consider divorce!
I think men in general automatically equate sex with affection to some degree.


Since he was abused when he was younger, maybe he never really understood the meaning of affection. The best way I can think of to help your situation is to show affection yourself, not that you don't already. Show him what you mean by ';affection';. Assuming that you don't mean sex, don't make it seem like sex is what you want. Go ahead and cuddle, but if you start to slide your hand down there, then he'll equate your idea of affection with sex.


On a semi-related note, you could also tell him exactly what it is you want. Tell him that it's not sex that you want. Tell him that what you want is for him to be closer to you, more attentive, more appreciative of you, or whatever it is you want. Men, or at least I myself, have a looser grasp of concepts when they are presented to us vaguely. By merely saying that you want ';affection,'; you leave it up to him to determine what ';affection'; is. Like a yahoo/google search, the more specific you are, the better results you'll get. Of course if you're too specific, you may seem like our getting in his face about it, and no one likes it when you're in their face.
Firstly, you said that you have been phsyially abused. This is domestic abuse and you should not really be in an environment like this-just because he has demons in his past does not mean he should let it out on you. He also needs counselling to get him through the trauma he is obviously reliving and inflicting on you (although you don't sound bothered??). good on you for being faithful through bad times, and whilst you love this guy even you have said that you aren't getting a lost of respect closeness and affection which every relationship needs. I bet it feels like you are constantly giving but never taking, just taking abuse (whether it be physical, emotional or verbal.) Although he is less abusive-you didn't say that he has ceased to abuse you so i highly recommend booking him in for counselling and telling him that although you love him-he needs to work thorough his past and treat you the way you derserve to be treated, with love, attention and respect.





Tell someone about this, and get both of you some help.





:) (I know u said men preferred but i'm glad you have read this)





p.s Julie C who is going on about marriage vows and such has a point, vows are meant to be upheld-although i would like to know where in the vows and in law, does it state that an unhappy person of a marriage is obligated to stay and must not leave and must put up with abuse? it doesn't. So dont prattle on because this woman is well within her rights to complain and leave her marriage for her benefit. And don't even get me started on all that ';you wanted an affair..that means you've cheated blah blah blah'; crap because she said she didnt want an affair although the opptunities arose, CAN YOU READ??????????





Also, she isn't complaining about cooking and cleaning she says and i quote ';I compliment him, cook for him, clean for him, etc, GLADLY';