Some advice on men please people!?

I have asked a similar question before, but here is some more detail.





I have been married for almost 4 years now. I was only 20 at the time, and he was 25. He has 2 children to 2 prior relationships.


We now have a child together. I believe our marriage won't last as he continues to believe I am the one with all the problems. And that there is nothing wrong with him. (We have a very rocky relationship and he is extremely verbally and emotionally abusive)


I am currently seeing a psychologist as he refuses to get counseling together. Even she says that there really isn't much future for us as he is not willing to change at all.


What do you think, should I keep trying?Some advice on men please people!?
Sorry you're in such a ';rut.'; At least you're seeking help, that's a good thing....there's nothing wrong with picking up advice that way, or even this way (through Yahoo answers, web articles, self-help books, etc). I once took marriage counseling with the belief that my ex wouldn't change, either... but the counsellor said, ';If I didn't think people could change, then I wouldn't be in this business.'; I never forgot that. So, yes.. your hubbie will change- the question is when, and how long are you willing to wait for it? Could be years and years, sweetie... then again, something drastic could suddenly happen to MAKE him change in an instant (like his tongue gets a disease or something)


Verbal and emotional abuse is the only way he knows how to solve problems or express his anger. Sad. It sucks when you're with someone who is ';dull'; in problem-solving because they'd have to be a willing student in order to learn new skills.... which it sounds like he doesn't have any desire. Guys don't like change, either... especially if they have to read or study crap. If you ever do end up solo, be sure to learn all the ';red flags'; in bad dudes prior to getting committed again!! But, nevertheless, ya'll have a kid, so it's worth trying for a little while longer: Here's my advice-


Anytime your relationship starts to turn sour or isn't ';fulfilling'; anymore, you will need to step back to the ';beginning block'; and that is YOU. Take your focus OFF of him and start investing it in YOU. The more you focus and pull on him, the more he will drift and fight- so forget it, it's a waste of energy. Go back to the girl you were when you first met him, better yet...before him. Start filling your whole schedule with fun and exciting things to do to and be so busy that you don't have the brain power to even worry about **** anymore. You have a kid, now... start doing stuff with the baby. Start a new project, ie; garden, salt-water fish tank, a new home based business, hell, even learn how to file your own taxes. Anything that will consume all of your thoughts!!! Be SO busy, that your hubbie would actually have to be ';penciled in'; to your adjenda! LOL! What will happen, is that he will notice that all of your thoughts, energy and worry on him has suddenly disappeared, yet, you're still happy and even enjoying life (which he isn't) and then his curiosity will start to focus on you and he will cut out the verbal bashing and it will change into ';so,what are you and junior doing again this weekend?'; and ';that sounds like fun, can I come along?'; And what happens is that you will end up with the control again, which gives you more bargaining power to try to ease him into actually LISTENING to you, and your concerns about him being verbally ';rough'; with you... and then he will want to begin trying to change. If not, in the meantime you are actually having a GREAT time and not sweating **** as much anymore! LOL! Trust me, ';ol stick in the mud'; will come around and become that Prince again, I promise. Just remember NOT to be rude, revengeful or untrustworthy as you're ';doing your thing,'; OK?


Good luck and have fun!! You deserve it and so does junior!! :DSome advice on men please people!?
No, I do not think you should keep trying. Not unless, you can accept unacceptable behavior. He can only change if he is willing to change. It sounds as if he is not so therefore you need to take care of yourself and your child. I know it is difficult because your lives have been somewhat melded together and you have also become a part of his other children's lives but it is possible. I'm really glad to hear that you are seeing a psychologist. You know, I think us women can come to accept many things from our husbands but any type of abuse and disrespect should never be accepted.





Good luck to you.
it sounds to me like he is the one with the problems. If he is unwilling to seek counseling with you I doubt if really cares all that much about you. Your still young, maybe you should consider getting a divorce. Although I know nothing about your relationship it seems to me that it is headed for big trouble. Are his children with you? Think of your child,please.It is always the children seem to have to suffer. By all means make sure your child's interest are looked after. He/she are your number one concern.
I don't think so, you say he his mentally and emotionally abusive, that cant be much fun for you or for your child. Why have his past relationships failed is this how he has always been and if so why is he likely to change now.


You do not want to stay with someone who is making you unhappy or could make your child think that his kind of behaviour is normal.


Good Luck





xx
well yes ... getting divorced is not so easy especially that you have a baby ... so yes i would recommend to keep trying for a while ... maybe tehre is things that you didnt try yet ... till the moments you feel that you 100% sure you cannot work things out together .. then you can divorce .. but at least you will know that you've done your best to safe your marriage ...
(NOT SHOUTIN) WHY SHOULD U KEEP TRYING WHEN HE IS NOT WILLING 2 MEET U HALFWAY. THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH U CAN DO. LET HIM KNOW THAT THE NEXT TIME HE IS VERBALLY/EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE 2 U THAT U AND YOUR BABY ARE OUT THE DOOR. U AND THE BABY DESERVE BETTER. BECAUSE YOUR CHILD WILL GROW UP THINKING THIS BEHAVIOR IS ACCEPTABLE BCUZ THIS IS WHAT HE/SHE HAS WITNESSED. IT SEEMS U HAVE DONE ALL U CAN DO, BUT IF HE'S NOT WILLING 2 TRY AND HELP HIMSELF THE BEST THING 4 U MAY BE 2 WALK AWAY
if he doesnt listen to you, then your marriage isnt really a marrigae....its dictatorship...marriages are based on equality and compromise...if he is unwilling to do so...then you better think hard if you can see yourself as his slave for the rest of your long life....because believe me you are going to have one if he doesnt change his attitude!
WELL YOU KNOW YOU REALLY CAN'T CHANGE A MAN WHO'S ALREADY SET IN HIS WAYS. I KNOW YOU LOVE HIM AND ALL AND THERE ARE KIDS INVOLVED BUT IF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY THEN YOU MIGHT HAVE TO LEAVE HIM A WOMAN CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH UNTIL SHE GETS FED UP ( AND YOU WILL KNOW) DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE CERTAINT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE ONLY FOR A SEASON AND THERES CERTAIN PEOPLE FOR A LIFE TIME.





GOOD LUCK SWEETY!!!! AND IF YOU ARE GOD FEARING THEN PRAY O.K
Frankly, I think you chose the wrong guy. Also, anybody can notice the pattern using the given data; he marries, has a child, marriage ends, he gains custody. wash rinse repeat. I'm thinking this abuse started AFTER the child was born. He sounds like he is deliberaltely, yet cleanly trying to end the marriage, he isnt hitting you but emotional and verbal is enough to go for splitting, him refusing to see a counselor defines either his denial or a deliberate attempt to reconcile the marriage. Trust your instincts, not what he has let you believe about him and judge for yourself. Either way, I don't see much glimmer either, BUT i do see an insolent, jerk who should be .........never mind me.......hope it helps