I need advice from women and men, real advice and not just lame answers?

So I am in a long distance relationship, we got engaged recently. Its been a long struggle, we have been together for 2 years. I love him more then I love myself, thats probably my first problem. He has cheated on me twice and I have forgave him, I can't move away from that. Its hard to know if he really loves me. He has committed but its not an issue of commitment. Its an issue of love and respect. We have had our talks and I speak my mind but he still goes out with his friends whenever he wants and comes home and 2 and 3 in the morning. I don't know what else I can do or say to make him understand that its not fair to me how he treats me. It makes me disbelieve in love. How can I make him understand? I don't want to give him up but I need him to put the actions behind the words love and commitment. GUYS, explain your way of thinking please.I need advice from women and men, real advice and not just lame answers?
To be blunt: He doesn't respect you because you don't respect yourself.





The fact that you don't drop him like a hot plate, just proves to him that your self respect is low.





You never once said that he loves you. Don't you think THAT'S a bit 'important' too?





You 'don't want to give him up'


I'm sorry, but 'you don't have him'I need advice from women and men, real advice and not just lame answers?



You've questioned his love for you ... why did you get engaged to him?





As for advice, I think you've answered your own question with explaining ';it's an issue of love and respect'; ... by the sounds of things he is expecting you to always be there. The answer is for you to NOT be there for him ... try saying ';no'; to him occasionally.
It sounds like he takes you for granted. You need to prove to him that your not always going to be there if he treats you like he does. If he doesn't start acting more like he loves you and less like he uses you then you have to realize that sometimes even the one you love isn't always what's best for you.
You are bring vague when you talk about ';actions.'; Be specific. What do you expect from him? Tell him specifically what you would like from him and ask him if he is willing to give that to you. But asking him not to go out with his friends seems to me unreasonable.
he just sounds disrespectful to me. sorry I cant tell you more.
the best thing you could do is give him an ultimatum. either he continues to be the way he is and not be with you or if he wants to be with you to change. and girl never underestimate your worth. this guy is jus taking you for granted. if he was really serious about you then he wouldnt have cheated on you at all! abd the fact that you have forgiven him shows how kind and generous you are with him. most of the times what mistake the girl makes is to give too much and not expect anything. its our nature of giving that makes men like them take us for granted. first things first. stop giving so much love to him. hold back some. make him want you. and if he doesnt then no matter how hard it would be you gotta walk away. coz if you think its going to change after marriage then you are completly wrong... you might just end up as one person in an abusive marriage
I want the 10 points.


Short answer, He is a player, and you are wasting your time.


Longer answer:


This fella has none of the concepts about love that you do. The evidence is the actions. Some guys are callous and just don't care about anybody. Then there are guys that don't have a clue, and think the term all is fair in love and war is really a recipe for life and living.


These are the same people that think that kinky is what they want, and positions are the real meaning of life.


He has a truncated personality, so he will always be convincing. That means he will always know what to say to get you to do what he wants.


He is probably doing as many as he can ask right now. You know he is a cheater, and he knows you know. Still you do nothing, this works for him. I know because a lot of my acquaintances, had this same problem. They never change.









he sounds like he will do whatever he wants, no matter what. I don't think you are going to fix that unless you do something really drastic to give him a reality check. I'm a really mean girlfriend, but i would take a break from him. I would tell him that you want to figure out of he is really worth all this pain, and don't talk to him for a few days. If he starts calling you and trying to get you to forgive him etc. he might be worth it. But if he just gives up I don't think he's worth your time.

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